The Walk of Shame for Amazon Suitors

This story is fascinating and instructive.  A bunch of cities whored themselves out in order to seduce Amazon’s HQ2 – only to lose spectacularly to NYC and D.C. who each actually gave away less in bribes and succor then the losers proposed.

There are lessons here.

1. Cities or states will attract major league business because of who they are not what they offer. No matter what a city is willing to do to attract the next “big thing,” municipalities rarely ever punch above their weight. Amazon ultimately choose the financial and political hub of the freaking world to locate its new corporate centers. Residents of the Columbus’s and Tucson’s and Omaha’s of the nation should take note. You are never going home with the hottest girl at the dance. So stay in your lane and set realistic expectations.

2. The clichés is true: Politicians do things that help themselves, not their constituencies. Look, we all know that elected officials are naked self-promoters, but it sometimes takes a shit show like the Amazon HQ2 debacle to remind us all. The sheer volume of public displays of prostitution by city and state officials to woo Amazon was like a red light district documentary. And the reason that seemingly normal leaders would strap on the kneepads for the online retailer? Because if they got it, they would guarantee themselves reelection and hero worship. No matter how bad the deal eventually turned out for their city, no matter how bad roads and schools and bridges got because of the massive tax giveaways – they could crow about getting Amazon every minute of every day.

3. Which brings us to this: the good leaders of Columbus and Tucson and Omaha aren’t truly stupid. They knew they had a snowball’s chance in hell of landing this whale, but they knew that they had to appear willing to pull out all the stops to try. Unfortunately in our democracy – appearance matters. City leaders have to waste colossal amounts of cash, time and resources to pitch a relocation like Amazon, because if they weren’t seen as trying, they would be lambasted by voters.

4. Another lesson: like most of us, elected officials seek the path of least resistance. It’s hard to fix the potholes; it’s hard to lower crime; it’s hard to do more and more with less and less money. And as a mayor or city councilor, you’re never going to get enough credit for those things, because despite the trends of the last 40 years, citizens still kind of expect and take for granted the basics of running a city.
5. Yet, for average citizens, the behavior won’t change.  Today, a mayor or council member for any medium to large city in America SHOULD step back and realize that courting a huge business to relocate is folly.  There is nothing substantive to be gain by entering into this competition. Tis far better for said politician to publically state that his or city does not, nor will not give away the store to attract a business whale.

But they won’t.  They won’t do it because they want to be courted and seduced the next time a big business wants to relocate. They want to be part of the show. The show is good for their reelection. The show breaks up the boredom and tediousness of actually doing their job, of endless council meetings and discussion of potholes.  Being a mayor is only fun when you get to look important and unfortunately, kissing the ass of a bigtime corporation is considered important by way too many people.