On Serena and Hope

Within the last week or so, Serena Williams won her 695th* Grand Slam and Hope Solo – the greatest goalie in US soccer history - helped her team win the world cup.
* Slight exaggeration.

And despite such grandeur of individual and collective athletic achievement, a lot of news inevitably includes the fact that Ms. Williams is continuously subjected to racist invective and body shaming, while Ms. Solo is ridiculed in almost frat-boy hilarity for numerous transgressions against family and friends – including assaults and drunken behavior.

Ultimately many reasonable people fear (with not a little justification) that these two women are treated unfairly and are subjected to criticism that would not be directed to male counterparts.

To which I say, they are, and a small element of that is actually a sign of female sports progress.

True, most typical guys can’t handle all that is Serena.  Oh sure, we men can appreciate a great technical female tennis player who can simply play the game much better than us.  However, many cannot accept the fact that unless we are a world-class athlete in our own right, she would beat us in EVERYTHING. We have a hard time wrapping our minds around the fact that her athletic prowess and her mental toughness and her utter devotion to excellence are far better than we can even imagine. Serena Williams is a better athlete and better at her craft than almost any male in any sport ever.

And so we do what men do: we hate and find ways to tear down.

With Hope, we snicker and roll our eyes when we probably should gasp and shout.  We openly laugh about a disorderly conduct and physical assault when we should react with the same disgust as we did with Ray Rice or Greg Hardy.  But we don’t – because she’s a girl.

And so we do what men do: we hold firm to our belief that only men can cause trauma and fear.

That is how both women are treated unfairly. One is hated and derided for being physically better than we are; the other is let off the hook for terrible transgressions because we can’t accept that a woman could really be a monster.

I posit however, a bit of a silver lining in all this. In some ways these two amazing athletes and all the attention they garner is a step in the right direction. Even if some or most of the attention they are being paid is for the wrong reasons – the fact that attention is being paid on par with what male superstars get, is a sign of real progress.

First, in no way am I condoning or pardoning the sexism, body shaming, double standards and racism that these women face. It is wrong. 100 percent.

However, behind a lot of those evil and vile thoughts is a common thread that is woven into the sports fabric of men’s sports as well: Pettiness.

To wit:

LeBron James is in arguably the greatest basketball player in the game today and arguably the greatest ever.  Further, he is tremendously charismatic, unbelievably unselfish for a superstar and by all accounts a good person, husband and father.

Yet, I cannot think of another male athlete who has suffered as much pure pettiness as he. From dozens of blogs carping about his hairline, to the incontrovertibly stupid fact that ESPN hosts and broadcasters continue to this day to castigate his primetime show called “The Decision” when he announced his intention to leave Cleveland and go to Miami – despite the fact that it WAS ESPN’S IDEA AND THEY BROADCAST THE SHOW!!!!

Finally, no player has ever taken less talented teams to the NBA Finals than he did with both Cleveland teams, yet millions of people chirp about his 2-6 Finals record.

Terrell Owens was a great wide receiver, perhaps even a Hall of Famer.  He certainly embodied the near-Olympic ideal of the freak athlete wide receiver that was bigger than linebackers but faster than defensive backs. Terrell Owens won everywhere he went. He helped the 49er’s and the Cowboys make the playoffs and he helped take the Eagles to the Super Bowl.  He never had any issues with domestic violence, drugs, or really any issues off the field at all.

Yet, Terrell Owens is almost universally hated by petty NFL fans: fans who openly routed for wife beaters, cocaine users and fathers who skipped out on their kids but booed him mercilessly because he had an ego and he liked to boast and brag. And now that he is out of football and suffering financial difficulty, the schadenfreude is amazing.

But pettiness has its roots in something far more fertile and closer to our core as humans and males: jealousy.

We hate on male sports stars because we are jealous: of their fame, of their prowess of their money of their sexuality of their lifestyle.  The hate and pettiness disguises are true feelings of envy and want. 

And so, the pettiness toward Serena and Hope is the awkward and strange transference or our male jealousy on female form.

We are jealous of Serena because she is big and powerful and competitive and fierce and she loves to show off and preen and strut and vanquish. Just like we would do if we were in her shoes.

We are jealous of Hope because – despite her unforgivable and loathsome abuse toward family – she’s a bad-ass who lives very much like the renegade outlaw biker we secretly fantasize about.

And if there is jealousy there is also relevance. No matter what gets you to the match or the TV be it hate and pettiness, you still watch. You still have conversations, albeit conversations filled with snide and derisive comments, but still, you talk about Williams and Solo.  Like you talk about James and Owens.

That is progress for women’s sports. In fact, the conversation is even more important than the watching.  We watch women’s tennis, but we talk about Serena. We watch women’s soccer, but we pontificate on Solo.   

Same for James and Owens. The conversation is so much more important because conversations equal true mind share that hooks us like dope. We aren’t addicted as sports fans to quality games and athletic precision – no, we are addicted to conflict and argument and posturing and the feeling of superiority.  And a controversial athlete that evokes an emotion is so much more important to the long-term viability of the sport they play.