Friday, May 6, 2016

IT'S GONNA HURT, NO WAY AROUND IT



So here is how I think this whole thing will play out.

Hillary Clinton and her steel-edged machine will wage a savage battle for control of the White House, buoyed by wrenching fear amped up to 11 by democrats, minorities and moderate independents; ultimately prevailing in a brutally expensive and scorched earth campaign that will leave all 300+ million Americans in desperate need of a shower on Wednesday, November 9th, 2016.

The math of this election will make it a fairly easy tabulation by the news media to declare HRC the winner, but election night will drag out for a long time because of how many strong pockets of Trump supporters exist in every state.

Donald Trump, as only he could, will stand in front of either his so-named Tower in Manhattan - but more likely at his resort in Florida – late into that Tuesday evening…and simply not concede. He will give a rambling and incoherent speech about how great a campaign he ran and just walk off exit stage left.  All will applaud, some will cry and then everyone will look around quizzically for a few moments and wonder, “so…is that it? We lost right? He knows that, right?”

And then for the next 24 to 72 hours, all of America and indeed all of the world will collectively shudder and reach a moment of singular clarity and gasp: “my God, that actually almost happened!”

I remember one late night many years ago, when a bunch of us incredibly drunk college kids were racing up Highway 13 near Berkeley, one group of friends in an open Jeep the other in a pickup. We were side by side cruising along at 70 or so and for about 45 seconds, I boozily contemplated jumping from the jeep into the bed of the adjacent truck. For almost one full minute I considered the trajectory, the necessary push off from legs, the angle of flight and the wind. Luckily, something in my reptilian brain cut through the 11 Coors Lights and I remained a jeep passenger.

Next morning, I woke up, rubbed my swollen eyes and stared out at the floor of my bedroom and shockingly grabbed hold of the realization: I almost died doing something incredibly stupid.

So too, I think will most of the nation on the second Wednesday in November. Wake up and realize how close we came to allowing the presidency of the United States to become an irrelevant office, suitable for clowns and con men.

Oh I know…we’ve been close before. Bill Clinton’s blow job, Reagan’s long descent into Alzheimer’s madness, George W. Bush’s mighty struggle with words and thoughts. Carter’s sweaters and befuddled gaze.

But these men were an Algonquin[MD1]  Round Table compared to the very best Trump could ever be.

And just like an extremely inebriated me back on that night long ago, who someone summoned enough rational self-preservation, America will choose not to jump into the speeding hellfire vehicle with the orange-haired madman at the wheel. We will pull back from the abyss and try and forget this campaign, and this very idea ever existed.


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