Has it really come to this? Is it even possible that Donald
Trump is going to garner millions of votes to become the President of the
United States?
When did the office of president become as pitiful and
inevitably dysfunctional as Comcast or Time Warner?
Here’s what I mean. We all know that cable TV sucks and
cable TV operators are devil-spawn. Everyone, I mean everyone, completely
agrees that cable TV is unnecessarily s costly, provides Soviet-era levels of
customer service, dictatorially forces you to bundle with a useless landline
phone and –perhaps most egregious of all - requires you pay for The Oxygen
Network for gods sakes!!
Further, most of us know that salvation from this hell scape
currently exists in the form of video streaming and Netflix and Hulu and
unbundled network apps and a host of other technologies which right now render
cable TV as obsolete as cassette decks.
Yet there are millions and millions of us who still have
cable. Why? Because like the scientific experiment of learned helplessness
where dogs subjected to continuous electric shocks eventually learn to just lie
down and take it, we have learned to just roll over and send a check to Big
Cable. We rationalize: because the damn
cable connector is already wired into our houses or apartments; because, well,
we’ve just always had cable; because all that other technology would require us
to learn it and spend a little time and effort creating our own TV viewing
ecosystem and despite its horrible graphics and useless networks, the cable guys
have already done that for us, and we are too lazy to start from scratch.
And that my friends, is what the presidency has become: a
failed institution which for mostly reasons of sloth, inattention and the
learned helplessness of the modern American political system has devolved into
an office where someone like Trump could actually occupy.
Even the most egregious, mouth-breathing supporter knows
deep down that Trump is assuredly NOT going to make America great again. Even
his angriest, whitest, oldest, racist and misogynist fan understands in his
heart-of-hearts that there is not going to be a bejeweled wall of opulence
which keeps all those Mexican rapists out of America. From Nevada to South Carolina, the
inarticulate and under-educated rabble – with their fanny packs, sensible shoes
and sans-a-belt slacks – understand that Trump in the White House will become a
cavalcade of stupid comments, embarrassing meetings with world leaders and the
greatest recruiting tool for a democrat-controlled congress in history.
But he’s new and shiny and says stuff that is super easy to
digest and makes many feel good for 30 minutes. Just like when they click on
the TV and watch The Bachelor, or
Moonshiners or American Idol. They know they are getting screwed by the
cable guys, but hey, it keeps them entertained and they don’t have to think too
much.
That’s what a Trump presidency would represent. National
acknowledgement that the office of the president is old and kind of crappy, but
like the cable adapter already drilled into our living room, we’re force to
kind of sigh and muddle on. We know we are not getting the very best, heck, we
know we are getting something pretty substandard, but well, who has the time to
really consider other options?
Let’s further prove the point. Trump’s main claim of
relevance is that he is a well-known businessman. But would the board of
directors for Apple or Google ever approve a motion to name Trump as CEO? Of
course not. His business record is way too spotty for a real company to even consider.
I’m not sure Trump could even land a vice president gig at either of these two
leading companies.
What about his entertainment experience? Do you think NBC or
CBS would turn over their entire operation to Trump as CEO? Only if they want
to sink further and further away from relevance in the TV landscape.
OK, he once founded something called Trump University. Could
you see him every become president of Harvard or Yale or Stanford? Sorry, but I
had to ask.
So Trump is clearly not qualified to become a leader in a
vast away of positions and industries. He really is only qualified to be a
celebrity – The Donald.
Yet, he is ever-increasingly seen as the next President of
the United States?
Wow.
We’ve actually come to the point in our nation’s history
where George W. Bush, by comparison, is seen as an Einstein-level Brainiac next
to Trump. That Bill Clinton’s foibles in the Oval Office would seem classy and
dignified compared to Trump.
And despite this, millions of Luddite voters will say yes to
Trump and, by doing so, basically proclaim that POTUS is a job befitting an
extremely underwhelming businessman who probably wouldn’t get a second
interview to run 450 of Fortune 500 companies.
I give you the President of the United States – We promise
to do something positive for the country sometime during the years of 2017 and
2021.
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