THE 2015 NFL SEASON IN REVIEW: OBSERVATIONS FROM THE COUCH

The Denver Broncos, having won one of the ugliest and unwatchable Super Bowl’s in the past 50 years, now sit atop the NFL Kingdom -champions for the next year. And so we can look back on the 2015 Season and contemplate what it all has meant. So for this rather unnecessary exercise, here is one fan’s observation from the past five months of on and off the field triumph and turmoil.

·         Just as we expected a positive test for PED’s among homerun hitters during MLB’s “steroid era,” we now fully expect a positive diagnosis for CTE when one of our former gridiron heroes dies and is autopsied.

·         Like the band on the Titanic, Roger Goodell and his crew showed they will orchestrate a virtuoso investigation into football air pressure, while willfully ignoring and obfuscating the critical issue of concussions.

·         We are more likely to get a decisive and logical explanation of American foreign policy from Donald Trump, than we are from the NFL when it comes to rules governing the forward pass.

·         If you are a black NFL quarterback and want to be loved by all fans, your blackness should be something akin to the Three Bear’s porridge: not too black, as that could scare off Baby Boomers; not too white, as that could lose the critical 18-34 year-old demographic; just right, hip and cool, but with enough humility and deference to play on Main Street.  Congratulations Russel Wilson! Cam and RG3? Work on it.

·         If you are a black head coach, you’d better have a winning program within three years of hire or you are out the door with little chance of getting another head coaching opportunity. White guys? You’ve got five to seven years and/or at least three more chances to fail as a head coach. Don’t worry Chip Kelly, you still have several more shots after San Francisco.  Lovie Smith, sorry, but please accept a coordinator’s job as a lovely parting gift.

·         The NFL has a long and rich tradition of linkage with the United States Military. Even football terminology is interwoven with military tactics as evidenced by phrases such as blitz, ground attack and aerial assault. And that linkage was further reinforced this year by the NFL patriotically using tax dollars to put on goose pimple-inspiring support to our troops.

·         The “controversy” surrounding over-celebration is like every single generation’s conflict over popular music. Basically grandpa, if the music’s too loud, you’re too old. Wild celebrations get players on highlight reels which get them commercials and get them paid. Chronically over-rated JJ Watt and his celebratory antics helped garner defensive MVP, while the much more impactful yet subdued Von Miller still waits for his Papa John’s ad. If I was an agent, I’d instruct all my clients to hire Beyoncé’s choreographer this off-season.

·         And finally, LA will get a team, maybe two. Kind of a mixed bag for the NFL. Yes, the second largest market in America finally gets the NFL back and every other team owner gets an obscene amount of cash via “relocation fee.” But, with LA now spoken for, what are wanderlust owner’s going to use as a bargaining chip to get their stupefied fan-base to pay for a new billion dollar stadium? Is the Jaguar’s owner really going to threaten to leave Florida for Columbus if he doesn’t get new digs?

The NFL in 2016. It’s a vaguely racist oligarchy that tramples on fans, plays roulette with the health of its employees and spits out PR half-truths and spin like Enron on steroids. What do you say? Let’s do it all again next season!